obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
