My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
