are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
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It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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