Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
