Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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