Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
