Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
