Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
