I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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