You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
