I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
