2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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