I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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