Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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