I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
