Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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