Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
