Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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