Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
3pm strippers are depressing
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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