Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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