His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
