Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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