i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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