You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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