We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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