So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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