shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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