I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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