I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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