Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
