I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
