3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
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If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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