i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
