i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize