i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
