Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
