Don't you send me to vm
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
