I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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