Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
