Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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