Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
