Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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