Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
