I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
