Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
