Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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