Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
