You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
