I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
