I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
