Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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