U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
