just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
