I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
