So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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