honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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