Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
