Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize